Episode 5. Programme opens in hospital.
Tracey: It were Becky.
Plod 1: Are you sure?
Plod 2: Are you really sure?
Tracey: Yes. Arrest her, keep her in the cells overnight, then release her tomorrow pending further enquiries by which time my concussion might have cleared and I might claim it was someone else.
Plod 1: Sounds like a plan.
Plod 2: Sounds like a good plan.
(Scene ends with Plods leaving, and Tracey grinning behind their backs, as she chews on some grapes.)
Scene 2: Emily’s front room. Norris, Mary, Emily, Claire, Gail, David, Becky, Steve and Betty are present.
Emily: Well you did it.
Norris: Yes, and I think congratulations all round are in order.
Claire: Yes, thanks for attacking her. I hated the way that she spoke about my Ashley.
Gail: It was very brave of you to do it.
David: Ye, I’m well impressed.
Mary: I think that you were wonderful. You rose to the challenge without any fear.
Becky: I would’ve killed her, rather than just hurt…
Steve: … but you did your best, and for that we’re all grateful.
Betty: Well it wasn’t too hard. When Claire told me that she had drawn the short liquorice lace, I knew I had to do it. I couldn’t risk them two lads growing up without a mother.
Claire: Thanks Betty. I could have done it myself but it was good of you to offer.
Betty: The thing is, I’m worried now.
Emily: Worried? What about?
Betty: I’m worried that the police will work out it’s me. I can’t go back to jail, not at my age. (She starts to cry.)
Norris: What do you mean back to jail?
Betty: Oh it was a long time ago. In the 1950s, I was a little short of cash, and Elsie Tanner suggested that I do the same line of work that she was in.
Emily: (looking uncomfortable) Don’t talk about it Betty; you’ll only upset yourself.
Betty: It was awful though, Emily. Don’t you remember what it was like when the door banged shut and you knew you were in for 12 months?
Norris: Why would Emily remember?
Emily: Well, it was a long time ago. Let’s not talk about it.
Betty: They used to call the three of us the Weatherfield Wonders. We were more supple in those days.
Norris: You mean that you worked the streets as well Emily?
Emily: Times were hard, and I had to make ends meet.
Betty: Aye, like I said we were all more supple then.
Claire: Are you going to take the rap for this Betty?
Betty: I can’t do jail again, lovie.
Claire: Well in that case I am going to have to hand myself in, and say I did it. After all, I was meant to do it in the first place.
(Scene closes with Steve and Becky necking on the sofa, as Mary looks on, licking her lips before smiling to Norris.)
Scene 3: The Bookies. Nick is suddenly managing the place, and ordering John around.
Nick: And remember to sweep the floor. If you work hard, I might consider promoting you to half-sized-pen supervisor. You could fill up the pen holders every day, but only if you work hard. Of course, if you don’t work hard, I might employ Janice instead as a half-sized pen-supervisor. Do you get it? Eh, eh?
Leanne: Nobody gets your hyphen placement jokes, Nick. Now don’t stand so close to me.
Nick: But I love you, and I want you. I want you to dump Peter, and marry me. We could make a go of this place together. We could get a licence, sell drinks, late night opening, live music every Friday night.
Leanne: But the bookies belongs to Peter.
Nick: Oh ye, I forgot. What with acting as if I own the place and all that.
Leanne: (moving closer to Nick, thrusting her bosom towards him.) It does sound like a plan, though.
Nick: (Placing a hand on each breast.) We could be good together. A successful pair.
Leanne: Yes, they are but stop touching me and pestering me.
John: That’s the floor swept boss. Can I go out for a while? I have to deliver a parcel to an old lady.
Nick: Yes. Go.
(Scene closes with Leanne pouting at Nick, and Nick leering at Leanne.)
Scene 4: Claudia’s hair saloon. Audrey is having her free haircut.
Audrey: … and then he said I’d have to climb down the drainpipe and crawl through the shrubbery…
Male customer: He sounds like a cad.
Audrey: He was. But I did love him.
Male Customer: Do you think that you could love me in the same way?
Audrey: I could give you a go.
Male customer: So it’s a date?
Audrey: Ye, it’s a date.
(Scene closes with Claudia approaching Audrey. She is carrying a bottle labelled ‘industrial strength colourant’.)
Scene 5: The police station.
Claire: I want to confess to a crime.
Plod 1: Which one would that be?
Plod 2: Ye, what crime are you confessing to?
Claire: Battering Tracey Barlow.
Plod 1: Right well hand over your passport.
Plod 2: Your passport please so that you can’t flee the country to, for example, France or any other European or worldwide destination.
Claire: Here it is. My husband died and Tracey was so nasty about it. She said that he sounded like Kermit the Frog, and then she called me Miss Piggy.
Plod 1: Well, it’s a fair point.
Plod 2: Hard to argue really.
Claire: So, am I under arrest?
Plod 1: Not yet.
Plod 2: Not till tomorrow after we’ve seen Miss Barlow.
Claire: I just pushed her you know.
(Scene ends with Claire leaving the police station, as Plod 1 and Plod 2 chase each other around the desk, waving truncheons and handcuffs. Credits and music.)
