Christmas on the cobbles
(Tracey is picking her nose with a cocktail stick.)
TB: I want my Amy back.
Deirde: I wanted you back our Trace.
TB: I can understand that.
DB: Promise me no more fighting.
TB: Ye.
Scene 2: The hospital.
Fizz: I hope Hope will be ok.
Nurse: To be sure, to be sure.
Fizz: We're having Christmas dinner here today, specially for John. It'll be like the Vicar of Dibley all over again.
Scene 3: The pub
[Tracey enters, wearing a pair of wings and a halo.]
TB: I want my baby.
Steve: Well, I dunno.
Becky: You @@@@@ @@@@. I will @@@@@@@@ @@@@@ you.
TB: Talk to the hand strumpet.
Amy: Oh, mummy.
Scene 4: The street.
[Mary arrives in the campervan. She invites Norris, Emily and Rita in. They sit down and start to talk.]
Mary: We will need to murder either David or Tracey. We should have a vote.
Norris: Can't we do both?
Emily: Norris. What a thing to say. It's Christmas day.
Rita: I vote David.
Emily: I say Tracey.
Mary: I say David.
Norris: Tracey, it has to be Tracey.
Mary: It's a draw. We will have to go to the viewers' vote.
[Lackey hands a golden envelope to Mary.]
Mary: Tonight, the act that is due to be murdered is.... [pauses for ages]
Norris: Get on with it Mary.
Mary: The act that is due to be murdered is...... Tracey.
Emily: Good. Now let's draw straws to see who gets the chance to do it.
Scene 5: The Pub
[Everyone is eating turkey legs using their hands. Steve is dressed as a dandy highwayman, and Becky is dressed as the Queen. There is dancing, singing and much swigging of ale out of tankards.]
Deirdre: I see Gail's here.
Ken: No fighting today Deirdre, remember.
DB: Ok Ken.
[Other side of pub]
Gail: Tracey is out and Deirdre is sitting there, all innocent and angelic.
David: The bitch.
Nick: No fighting today mum, please.
Gail: Tracey tried to get me sent down.
Scene 6: Tracey bumps into Claire
TB: I'm sorry to hear that your wotsisname is dead.
CP: I'm sorry to hear that you're out of prison.
TB: Did he have any last words for me?
CP: No, but he did leave a cryptic note, saying "If I should die young, please tell TB that I love her, and I am so pleased that we used to meet in the butcher's fridge and entertain each other among the dead carcasses." I can't work out who it's for or what it means. But if I find out, I will kill the person responsible.
TB: I wonder who it could be. Could it be T'Emily Bishop?
CP: I wonder.....
Scene 7: Kevin's conservatory.
[Kev and baby Jack are drinking lagers. Kev is on his 12th, and Baby Jack is drinking his 15th bottle.]
Kev: What will I do baby Jack?
BJ: I don't know. Keep me or give me back. You decide.
Kev: I know, but it's not easy.
BJ: Well I don't mind; either way I will be good for future storylines.
Scene 8: The back of the Barlows' house.
[A dark figure creeps towards the drainpipe, a knife in one hand, a hammer in the other and a pair of pliers in the other.]
Unknown voice: I will kill you, Tracey Barlow, and save mankind from sin for ever more.
Music and credits.
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